A while back, I went out with Bracelet Boy. Date #2 came, and I exited the shower to find a text from him (only an hour before our second date): “Hey. I just got a call from my parents. I have to run up to New Hampshire tonight. I’m sorry. Can you reschedule?”
My immediate reaction was one of anger, but then I thought that one or both of his parents might suffer from an illness unknown to me. I realized I was being petty to think the world revolves around my dating life. The next day, he called asking to reschedule. I returned his call two days later… and never heard from him again.
Around the same time, I had been hanging out with a group of guys, and felt some serious chemistry with one of them. One night, he walked me to my car and suggested to go out without the rest of our friends. He said he would text me to nail down time and place, but we agreed on the approaching Tuesday. I never heard from him again.
Last weekend, I fell for yet another. He texted me three days after we met. I texted back, and never heard from him again.
It feels like all of these guys made the first move, and then backed down when I responded. I wait a few hours before I text back and I never double text! What am I doing wrong?
I’ve read the books. I’ve seen the movie. I know the rules:
Let him come to you.
Let him call you.
If he doesn’t get in touch, he’s just not that into you.
But, I broke the rules. I looked at the odds and decided to retext one of them. If the retext fails, then at least I only tried it with one. No harm done.
I asked Bracelet Boy how his parents were doing. He said they were “fine, thankfully” and asked how I was. I wrote, “Good.” The next day, he asked to go out again.
I don’t understand! Is he just not that into me? Is he into me? If I text all of these guys again, will they all re-initiate contact? Do I even want that? I’m hoping for a man to enter my life who plans dates and doesn’t play games. I’d prefer not to be the one texting weeks later to remind him that I exist.
But, even so, I have my second date with Bracelet Boy lined up for tonight so should I be complaining?
And, if this worked out, should I retext the other two?
When Strangers Kiss 
I’d encourage the entire scientific community to study us very closely. I have come to the conclusion that I must emanate some unknown substance that repels men after the first contact. Maybe we have the same condition?
We must!! I’d buy meds to fix it!!
No more thinking about texting or retexting the boys. Don’t. Go be busy and live your life – see friends, go to movies, take a class, go for a run, and carpe the fucking diem!
Let them come to YOU! AND if you’re not busy, give them your attention – but if you’re busy, then well, you’re BUSY and they should try again in a bit. It’s very freeing knowing that you don’t have to do ANYTHING – not a single bit of the work – and still get the attention, easily. They WANT to do the work. Trust me. Let them and stop thinking about it.
I’m so torn on this. I try very hard not to be needy in text when I first start talking to someone , especially if I like them. I generally adhere to the rules that if a guy wants you, he’ll chase you. I really believe that’s true.
But, on the other band, to err is human. Not everyone it perfect. How much of a break do you give them before you’re a fool?
On the third hand, don’t you make every effort to stay in touch with someone you really like/care for? I know I do.
But, you have to also show you are interested….
Dating sucks.
I suppose it never hurts to re-text. Nothing is really lost. I say go for it…If you like the guys. I’ve been known to retext once or twice myself.
I think this movie is responsible for 99% of my dating crazies. I think guys are human too, and sometimes they’re too timid to do all the chasing (especially if you have a penchant for shy guys) so nudging them along a little can’t hurt, can it?
I agree!!
I dunno. its so hard! i hate the game!! id say he is at least half into you, or else he wouldnt have reestablished a date. but i DO believe that if someone is really into you they will chase you. and I kinda wonder if what the book says is true.. that if the girl chases and a relationship does ensue, it doesnt usually end well. that has been my experience. (and im not a hard core chaser, im a nudger like you, lol) whatever happens, any experience is worthwhile and will benefit your souls growth, so if you want to re-text do it!
makes absolutely NO sense. Let’s get R’s opinion….
-S
Here’s the thing about men: we’ll take whatever’s easiest. This one time, I was on a date with a hot girl, and she was fun, but I just wasn’t that into her. However, she came on strong, suggested going home together, so I did. Then she pushed for a second date, so we slept together again a couple days later. But the second the ball was in my court for a third date, I just dropped it. I just wasn’t into her enough to chase her.
So if you ping these guys, they’ll probably go out with you; they’ll probably definitely sleep with you. But then you’ll be back at square one, wondering why there’s so much radio silence unless *you* make the effort.
So yeah, if you just wanna schtoop them, then go for it. But if you think you might actually end up liking any of them, then don’t bother because if any of them felt that way about you, they would be in touch more.
Thanks! Yeah I ended up texting one of them last night and he asked me to go to his place. I was like hellllllll no, jerk! You are 100% right!
This is so tough because I think just like everything in life, nothing is black and white. I generally go by the “He’s Just Not That Into You” stuff myself because I do think if a guy really likes me he will make the effort, period. However I think there’s always exceptions cause not all guys are the same and I think when it really comes down to it, if the guy likes you or if he’s a “right” guy then something as small as retexting or texting him first shouldn’t scare him off to begin with. Great post!
I completely agree!! Thanks!!
Let them pursue you. When a man doesn’t put energy into you, it’s never a good sign. You deserve to be pursued.
Thanks!! I think so too!! 🙂
If there really existed a “way” for all of this to work, we would all be doing it. Here’s my take: Stop thinking about everything! Do what you want, when you want to. Fuck the rules. Stop playing games. Be yourself. If being yourself is replying immediately. Do so. If you’re busy. Take care of your life first. Just be authentic. ‘Cause guess what…..that’s what you’re going to have to resort to when you’re in a relationship. Never assume what is going on in someone’s else’s head until you ask them. Just like there’s no one path to happiness or success, there is no “right” way to date or communicate. There is only integrity. Know thyself. Be thyself. Everything else is bullshit.
and also….I don’t know what the fuck I’m talking about. lol